You want the chicken bouillon to be the texture of sand, so grind it up however you like (spice grinder, mortar and pestle, put it in a sealed bag and whack it) and sprinkle it into a bowl. Add the other stuff and mix well, breaking up any clumps. How long do spices last? That's how long this lasts.

Combine the sun-dried tomatoes and oil, garlic, oregano, chicken bouillon, salt, pepper, and 2 tablespoons of water in your blender and blend on high speed to make a chunky paste, about 1 minute.

Move the mixture to a food processor the cream cheese. Pulse or stir the contents of a mixing bowl and add until smooth and well mixed.

It keeps in the fridge for up to 2 weeks or until the expiration date on the cream cheese.

Combine the vinegar, sugar, salt, garlic, jalapeño, carrot, onion, and 2 cups of water in a medium pot over medium-high heat and bring it to a boil. Lower the heat and let simmer, stirring once or twice, until the onion is translucent, the carrot is soft, and the jalapeño has faded like your go-to jeans, 25 minutes or so.

Move everything to your blender (liquid and all), add all the hot sauces, and blend until smooth.

It'll keep the fridge for a month or two.

Combine the miso and Worcestershire sauce in a medium bowl, stir until smooth, then add the mayo and stir well again.

It keeps in the fridge until the expiration date on your mayo.

Give the chopped pickle a quick pat with a paper towel. Put it in a bowl with the rest of the ingredients and mix it all up.

It'll keep the fridge for up to 10 days.

Mix up all the ingredients in a bowl. Season with more lemon juice until you're happy.

It'll keep the fridge for up to 1 week.

To make the chile-crunch peas: Stir together the salt and sugar in a small mixing bowl, then add the peas and mix well. Let it hang out for 1 hour, then drain off any liquid that collects in the bowl. Taste, and if they're a little too salty for your taste, give them a brief rinse under water. Combine the peas, peanuts, and chile crisp in a medium mixing bowl and stir well. It keeps for up to 2 days in the fridge.

To make the hummus: Combine the garlic and salt in a food processor, squeeze in a good 1⁄2 cup lemon juice, and buzz until the garlic looks minced, about 30 seconds. Move it all to a small bowl and let it sit for 10 minutes to tone down the flavor of the garlic.

Set a fine-mesh strainer over the food processor, pour in the garlic mixture, and stir and press with a spoon or flexible spatula to extract as much liquid as you can. Discard the solids. Add the beans, tahini, oil, mayo, cumin, and 3 tablespoons cold water, then buzz until it's completely smooth, 1 to 2 minutes. Season with more salt and lemon juice until you're happy. It'll keep in the fridge for up to 5 days.

Serve the hummus in shallow bowls, top with the chile-crunch peas, and squeeze on a little more lemon juice for an extra pop of acidity.

To make the scallion cream cheese: Stir together the cream cheese, scallions, and salt in a medium bowl until well mixed. Set it aside. You can fridge it, too; just take it out 30 minutes before you eat so it can soften up again.

To make the fries: Get 2 inches of oil to 350°F. In batches, add the waffle fries and cook, occa- sionally stirring so they don't stick together, until they're hot and crispy, 3 to 5 minutes per batch. While you're frying, get your oven to 250°F and line a baking sheet with paper towels. 

As the fries are done, use a spider or strainer to move them to the prepared baking sheet and sprinkle liberally with salt. Keep them warm in the oven. (without the paper towel, if that concerns you).

To assemble the burritos: Make and serve one burrito at a time for max deliciousness. Set a large heavy skillet over medium heat until it's good and hot. Evenly swipe a thin layer of butter on both sides of a tortilla, then cook in the skillet so you get some nice brown spots on each side but it's still soft, 30 seconds or so per side.

Put the hot tortilla on a plate and apply a scant 1⁄4 cup of the scallion cream cheese down the center of the tortilla in an even 2- or 3-inch-wide schmear. On the cream cheese, distribute a fourth of so of the onion, pick- les, and arugula, plus as much jalapeño as you like. Pile on a fourth of the waffle fries and drizzle on 1 tablespoon honey. 

Roll that sucker up nice and tight, so the ingredients get a bit scrunched. Serve it right away. then get to making the next ones.

To pickle the celery: Put the celery in a small heatproof bowl. In a small pot, bring the rice vinegar, sugar, salt, and 1⁄2 cup water to a boil, stirring so the sugar dissolves. Pour the boiling liquid over the celery, give it a stir, and let it cool to room temperature. It's good to go and keeps in the fridge for up to 1 month.

To make the dish: Set up a cool- ing rack or line a baking sheet with paper towels. Get 2 inches of oil to 350°F in a heavy pot over medium-high heat. While it's heating up, combine the sugar and salt in a small bowl. In a medium bowl, combine the seltzer and flour and gently whisk it together until it's smooth. Pop this batter in the fridge until the oil's ready.

When you're ready to fry, core the apples, then slice them into half-moons that are somewhere between % and inch thick.

Working in four batches, dip the apple slices, one by one, in the batter, then carefully add them to the oil. Fry, flipping them once with tongs halfway through and trying your best to separate any that stick together, until they're light golden brown, 5 to 6 min- utes per batch. Move them to the cooling rack or prepared baking sheet and season with the sugar- salt mixture, then repeat with the rest of the batches.

Once the apples are all fried and seasoned up, move them to a platter. Spoon the Frank's over them and top with the candied walnuts, blue cheese, pickled celery (but not the liquid), and scallions. Grind on some pepper and serve with the bottle of Frank's on the table for anyone who's feeling extra spicy.

1. Cook the pasta as directed on the package, drain and rinse in cold water until the pasta has cooled.
2. Mix the pasta, corned beef, sauerkraut, Swiss cheese, and dill pickle.
3. Mix the salad and dressing and enjoy!