Body
To make the scallion cream cheese: Stir together the cream cheese, scallions, and salt in a medium bowl until well mixed. Set it aside. You can fridge it, too; just take it out 30 minutes before you eat so it can soften up again.
To make the fries: Get 2 inches of oil to 350°F. In batches, add the waffle fries and cook, occa- sionally stirring so they don't stick together, until they're hot and crispy, 3 to 5 minutes per batch. While you're frying, get your oven to 250°F and line a baking sheet with paper towels.
As the fries are done, use a spider or strainer to move them to the prepared baking sheet and sprinkle liberally with salt. Keep them warm in the oven. (without the paper towel, if that concerns you).
To assemble the burritos: Make and serve one burrito at a time for max deliciousness. Set a large heavy skillet over medium heat until it's good and hot. Evenly swipe a thin layer of butter on both sides of a tortilla, then cook in the skillet so you get some nice brown spots on each side but it's still soft, 30 seconds or so per side.
Put the hot tortilla on a plate and apply a scant 1⁄4 cup of the scallion cream cheese down the center of the tortilla in an even 2- or 3-inch-wide schmear. On the cream cheese, distribute a fourth of so of the onion, pick- les, and arugula, plus as much jalapeño as you like. Pile on a fourth of the waffle fries and drizzle on 1 tablespoon honey.
Roll that sucker up nice and tight, so the ingredients get a bit scrunched. Serve it right away. then get to making the next ones.